Yesterday's Feelings
by UndyingSpirit
Summary: He was alone.....he was suffering.....silently. Fate would take its course and now.......well, just read and find out. Blood Suicide


This is my first fanfic of digimon. This is also my first songfic. Usually, I wouldn't like songfics, but when I heard a song from The Used, I had an idea of basing a fic about that song.

Dislaimer: I have no ownership over digimon. Toei does. Either do I have ownership of The Used's song "Yesterday's Feelings"

"Yesterday's Feelings"

Tai sat on his couch in his living room. The room was plain like everyone else's. Nothing was on, except the refridgerator. Everything was silent; no noise went through his ears. Not even the cars passing by could break the deafness of the air around him. He held his head down, his eyes looking at the ground. In his mind, thoughts ran back and for as a song plays along.

_He though back to those times when he was a child. He had taken Kari to the park. He played soccer with her, even though she was sick. After she fainted, Kari was taken to the hospital. Their mother had slapped Tai for taking her outside when she was sick. "I'm sorry, mom" he whispered when she looked at the room where Kari had been treated. He cried silently in a corner of the waiting room, slowly repeating the same words he whispered. No one came close to him, not even his parents. And to that, a piece of his soul broke._

_

* * *

Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind _

_Where worries are washed out to sea_

_See the changes peoples' faces blurred out _

_Like sunspots or raindrops _

* * *

He had closed his eyes and raised his head. A smile grew on his face as he opened his eyes. He lied his head on the top of the couch. His thoughts didn't stop there. 

_He thought back to when he and the digidestined were in the digital world. All the times they had together. He was the leader and they followed. They gave him courage when he needed it. But that courage turned sour as he pushed Agumon too hard to digivolve. This proved a dangerous decision when Agumon Transformed into SkullGreymon. When it was all over, Tai had blamed himself for the situation. They tried to reassure them that it wasn't his fault, but as their words came to his ears, they burned with hatred and malice, just as the slap his mother gave him did. Once more, a piece of him shattered._

_

* * *

Now all those feelings, those yesterday's feelings _

_Will all be lost in time_

_But today, I've wasted away_

_For today is on my mind_

* * *

He smiled and closed his eyes once again. His head jerked up because of a slight shock in his neck. He rubbed his neck and laughed quietly. He felt the pain in his neckgoing down, but only a little bit. "This is nothing like that time long ago."

_He meant the time at Christmas Eve. He decided that he would tell Sora about his feelings for her. He had waited for her outside of the stadium. When she appeared, he hesitated for a while. The two talked about nothing, until Sora said those faithful words. "I'm waiting to see if Matt is free after the concert."_ (A/N: I don't know the real words, so bare with it.) _Those words burned into his heart and in his mind. He had responded calmly, hiding his sorrow from her. His final words were "I'll be waiting." As she walked away, he looked at her with tears in his eyes. He turned around and walked away. Soon, another piece, a big one, was lost. _

_

* * *

Left the only worries I had in my hands_

_Away from the light in my eyes _

_Holding tight and try not to hide how I feel _

_Cause feelings mean nothing now_

_ Now all those feelings those yesterday's feelings_

_ Will all be lost in time _

_But today I wasted away _

_For today is on my mind _

_For today is on_

_I can care to worry_

_I'm feeling so lonely _

_Breaking apart all this love in my heart_

* * *

He had gotten up off the couch and went to his room. He looked into the mirror in his room. His mind still raced with memories. 

_All his thoughts, his memories, his fears, his pleasures, all emotions flooded into his mind. The times the new digidestined left for the digital world, the time he saw his partner after they were separated, the times when the digidestined grew apart and went their separate ways. He stayed in Japan, while the others left. Years passed by and Tai hadn't heard from anyone, not even her. His heart couldn't take it. He waited and waited, but she never returned to him. He wanted her more than anything in the world, but she never returned emotionally, only physically. Though he enjoyed her company, he never felt complete. When she left him, he finally had enough of waiting. So, he forced himself forward. He left all remnants of his feelings, fears, and past moments behind. And soon, the final piece of his existence crumbled _

_

* * *

Close my eyes and move to the back of my mind _

_Cause feelings mean nothing _

_Now all those feelings _

_Those yesterday's feelings_

_Will all be lost in time_

_But today I've wasted away_

_For today is on my mind_

* * *

'But I don't want to.' Suddenly, he held his head, closed his eyes, and gritted his teeth. After a few moments, he looked at the mirror again. He soon saw himself in the mirror. Soon, he started to see himself, but now, he saw himself in different forms; when he was a child, a kid, a teen, and a young adult. His eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. He raised his hand up to the mirror. To his surprise, the other reflections did the same. He smiled as his hand touched the mirror. "So, this is what I've become." He touched his face. "Funny, I can't feel anything anymore." He let his hand trace the edges around his face. "Nothing, all I can feel is nothing." He chuckled a little bit. But soon, he punched the mirror, shattering it on impact. He watched the glass fall onto the nightstand. He grabbed the biggest piece and stared into its cracked shaped. "Absolutely nothing left" Soon, he jabbed that piece into his chest. He closed his eyes and smiled as he fell to the ground. His blood ran onto the floor and mixed with the shattered glass. The once proud leader layed on his side and died slowly, and painfully. His soul slowly disappeared. 

Minutes later:

Soon, someone had walked up to the door. It was Sora. "I can't believe him. Why did he do this? How could he do this to me?" She was talking about her husband Matt, Tai's best friend and former rival. Sora had found Matt in bed with another woman. Furious, she ran out of her house and drove away with tears in her eyes. In her rage, she was reminded of Tai. She remembered how he had alwayscheered her up when she was down. She wiped her tears and slapped a smile on her face, for Tai was the only one able tobring her spiritsup whenever she was down.

She was about to reach for the handle, until she was surprised to see the door open. She wanted to talk to him. More importantly, she wanted him to comfort her like he always did, back when they were younger. She went to Tai's room to see if he was there. 

When she went in, she saw him on the floor. She rushed to his side to see if he was okay. She knelt down and felt his face. It was cold and pale. She shook his body, trying to wake him up. "Wake up, this is not funny, Tai." She started to get annoyed. "You're not going to fool me-" She stopped. She gasped at the sight of blood on the floor. Sora soon jumped back at the red fluid leaking from under his body. After staring at his lifeless body, she effortlessly tried to wake him up. She yelled his name in his ears and shook him once more.

Tai's soul had watched her futile efforts to wake him up. He couldn't help but let his tears slowly fall down his face as she curled up close to his body, wishing for him to wake up, wishing to feel warm, and wishing for him to come back. Though, he quickly wiped them away and slowly turned toward the light, shinning behind him.And so hedisappeared, leaving only shattered dreams and yesterday feelings behind.

_

* * *

For today is on _

_I can't care to worry_

_I'm feeling so lonely_

_Breaking apart all this love in my heart_

End 

Well, this is a fair enough fic. Please tell me what you think about it. Thank you.


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